The Spectre of Spencer Reid
by Addicted Archangel
Summary: My entry in the CM Bad Fan Fic-competition! Reid returns home to find that he is not alone in his apartment, and that he hasn't been for a long, long time. His life is going to change - forever!


**A/N: This is my contribution to the Criminal Minds Bad Fan Fic-competition on LJ. For information on how to join or simply read horridly (but intentionally) bad fics, please visit my profile and follow the link at the top. Have fun now!**

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Young genius doctor Spencer Reid returned to his quiet nine bedroom apartment, exhausted from a hard week at work. Having spent a consecutive six days in the field investigating a series of arsons, he was only stopping by his apartment to change clothes and was then headed back to the office. There was still work to be done. Possibly he would have time to get a cup of coffee in his own kitchen before having to jet off again.

Sadly, that would not be the case.

As soon as he stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind him, he was greeted with a rattling sound echoing through the apartment. His lamps began flickering, the TV was turning itself on and off and utensils were shaking in the kitchen.

Turning with a shriek, the young agent tried desperately to yank the door open to run away, but to no avail. The door was firmly locked and refused to budge. Pulling the doorknob furiously, Reid screamed and began banging the door. No one came to his rescue, and the noise continued.

Gathering courage, or possibly panic, he ran through the apartment, heading for the balcony. It was the only other exit of his home. But as he reached it, it slammed shut before his eyes and no matter how much he yanked it, it wouldn't open.

"Help!" he yelled. "Help me!"

"Silence!"

The terrible noise stopped.

The voice boomed through the apartment, making Reid's hairs stand up on his neck, and he fell silent in utter terror. What was going on? He was too scared to turn around as he heard a whooshing sound behind him.

"Stop screaming, you're giving me a headache!" the voice came again, this time sounding more exasperated than angry. "You living, you never know when to shut up!"

Reid slowly turned around. The sight that greeted him was something that would be etched into his mind for all eternity.

The man standing across the room was dressed in jeans and a light blue shirt with a black jacket, boots and a sharp looking belt buckle. His hair was as long as Reid's but darker and somewhat curlier, and he wore a hat that looked suspiciously like a cowboy. He was also completely see-through.

"Who are you?!" Reid shrieked, grabbing for his gun. As he got hold of it, he raised it and pointed it towards the other man.

The man looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "Do you really think that's gonna work?"

Firing several rounds towards the man, Reid watched as the bullets went straight through the man's torso and hit the wall behind him. Shaking, he lowered his gun. "What do you want with me?"

"I don't want anything with you, you muppet! I'm just sick of you being so boring!" The man sighed and took a few steps over the floor.

"Wait…what?" Reid simply stared at the man who nearly hovered over his bedroom floor.

"You…are…_boring_!" The tired looking man slumped down into the leather chair parked next to the gigantic shelf of books. "I've lived here for six years with you, and you never do anything fun!"

Reid shook his head in disbelief. "You…you've lived here? With me? For six years? I moved in six years ago!"

"You don't think I know that? Geez, even the senior citizen living here before you saw more action than you do!"

"I don't…understand…" He stood there dumbfounded, still holding his gun. He couldn't comprehend what was happening.

"What is there not to understand? I'm a ghost. I live in your apartment. And I'm tired of being bored. I'm gonna help you have some fun."

Reid opened his mouth to talk, then closed it without saying a word. His mind was racing a mile a minute. "But…that's scientifically impossible! There are no ghosts!"

"Yet here I am. Big whoop."

"What's your name?" The world's most stupid question jumped straight out of Reid's mouth before he could stop himself.

"Glad you asked. My name is Nathan Tiberius Grant."

"Nice to…meet you?" Reid was still a bit stand-offish as he stuffed his gun back in the holster.

"Likewise."

"So… Now what?"

"Now", Nathan said as he rose in all his ghostly greatness, "we're going to let you have some fun. Did you know that ghosts are really good mind readers? I know exactly what you would like to do." A smile grazed the man's lips. "And I'm gonna make it happen."

"Uhm…" Reid began, his eyes darting everywhere but on the ghost in his bedroom. "What are you talking…?"

"You'll see. See you later, Dr. Reid."

And with a poof, the ghost dissolved into thin air. A few snaps and clicks were heard and both the balcony door and the front door slid open, allowing the young agent to exit at wish.

And he wished.

Grabbing his overnight bag once again, he jetted out the door, slamming it behind him. As he leaned on it and breathed deeply, he repeated a mantra to himself. "There's no such thing as ghosts, there's no such thing as ghosts, there's no such thing as gh…"

The sudden protrusion of a see-through head from the door interrupted his affirmations. "Yes there is. Now get to work or you'll be late!"

With another shriek, Reid ran down the hall and down the stairs, taking the steps three at the time. He had never been happier to have such long, lean, quick legs.

--

As Reid arrived at the bullpen, he threw the bag down onto the floor next to his desk and sat down in his chair with a heavy sigh. Finally he was safe. Finally he could figure out to do about the ghost in his apartment. Or rather, what doctor would take him at a moment's notice to lock him up in a sanatorium for delusions and hallucinations. He mused how he would probably be sharing a room with his mother within a week.

The rest of the team was already there, busy with their paperwork, getting coffee and slacking off. The latter was Morgan, naturally, who was leaned far back in his chair, tossing a ball into the air, then catching it.

"So what should we do first?" the all too familiar voice came again from beside the young agent's head.

Reid shot up with a startled shriek, awaking everybody's attention.

"Reid, what's going on?" Prentiss called across the bullpen.

"They can't see me or hear me", Nathan said with a smile as he stood behind the young genius. "So don't bother telling them about me, or they'll think you're screwy."

"Uhm…nothing! I…stubbed my toe! On the desk! Ow, ow, ow…" He demonstratively took hold of his foot and took a few jumps before sitting back into the chair as his colleagues returned to their business. "What are you doing here?" he hissed silently without looking at his new "friend".

"Oh, I'm here to brighten up your day and finally make you crack a smile. And maybe you'll do something else than read books when you're home."

"What are you gonna…?" But the young genius didn't have time to finish his sentence before Nathan began moving towards Prentiss. "No!" he hissed. "Get back here! Don't touch her!"

But it was too late. Nathan had already sidled up behind Prentiss, and giving Reid a wink and a smile, he reached down towards the hem of her black skirt, and in a swift move Nathan yanked it up to her hips. All of a sudden, Emily Prentiss stood in the middle of the bullpen with her black stay-ups and garter belt out for all to see.

Prentiss gave a shrill and scrambled to push her skirt back down. As she fumbled with it, she screamed: "Who did this?! Who was it?! I'll kill whoever did this!"

"Lucky I'm already dead, huh?" Nathan said as he walked back towards Reid, who sat gaping at the sight before him. It was the first time he had seen a woman in her underwear that wasn't two-dimensional.

Prentiss kept cursing and swearing vengeance on whoever had pulled up her skirt, but naturally no one confessed.

"Well, that was fun, wasn't it?" Nathan asked the young doctor.

Reid was too busy with trying to control his laughter to answer the man indirectly responsible for it. "Mhm…" he managed to push through tight lips, then shifted in his chair.

"Let's do something more. I know you've been wanting to do this for a long time…" Nathan once again left Reid's side to walk towards Morgan.

"Nnnh!" Reid tried, but failed to stop the ghost from once again doing mischief on his colleagues.

Morgan was still leaned back in the chair, feet on the table and throwing the ball up into the air. Nathan caught the ball as Morgan threw it, and it remained floating in thin air.

"Hey…what the…?" Morgan flung his arm up to bat at the ball, but missed.

With a little bit more force than Morgan had thrown the ball up, Nathan threw it down again – aiming lower. The football hit Morgan's groin with a smack, sending the agent doubled over to the floor, clutching his privates.

"Aargh, my nuts! What the hell was that!?"

"Clutz", Garcia chuckled as she walked into the bullpen just as the ball hit her sugar cube's testis. "Keep doing that and there will be no mini-Morgan's running around Quantico."

"Mgrraaah…" was all Morgan managed to say as he heaved himself back into the chair. "The hell…?"

Reid could hardly keep his laughter inside. He had to turn away not to let it all out in a loud burst.

"You liked that, don't you?" Nathan chuckled as he stood beside Reid, looking out over the bullpen. "Anything else?"

Reid swallowed his laughter and let his gaze wander over the remainder of his colleagues. His eyes fell on JJ who stood by the coffee maker waiting for her turn. Rossi was just pouring himself a sturdy cup of java. A mischievous smile spread on the young agent's lips. This really was fun.

"Do it", he whispered to Nathan, who grinned widely and set off towards the coffee maker. Well there, he gave Reid a thumbs up and a smile. He quickly grabbed hold of JJ's hand and shoved it down towards Rossi's butt, making her give it a nice big squeeze.

Rossi jumped at the sudden contact, spun around and faced a shocked looking JJ.

"I didn't…I…" The pretty blonde had no explanation to what she had just done. It was just like someone had moved her hand for her.

Rossi said nothing. He only gave JJ a nod and a smile, and as he turned to leave, he gave her a wink and walked away with a satisfied smile on his lips.

JJ stood there still looking dumbfounded and stared at her hand.

The young agent struggled to keep his composure. He fidgeted in his chair, clamping his hand over his mouth.

Nathan walked over to Garcia, pointing a questioning finger at her, but Reid shook his head. The ghost shrugged and took a few more steps over the floor. His stride was interrupted by a slick looking man in a black suit.

"Everybody in the round table room. We have a case." After relaying the short piece of information, the man turned to leave.

Nathan watched him walk away, and then turned to his friend who was rising from the desk and gathering his things. Nathan nodded and pointed towards the suit striding down the hallway. Reid mouthed 'wait' and hurried after his colleagues who were already on their way towards the conference room.

As Reid sat down by the large table with his co-workers, JJ had already begun briefing them about the case. Hotch stood beside her, looking stoic as ever.

Nathan stood next to Reid, waiting for his cue. It came after a few moments as Hotch began talking. 'Now', Reid mouthed covertly to his partner in crime, who nodded and walked over to the stoic suit.

"On the count of three", the ghost said with a smile. "One." He reached behind the superior. "Two." He readied himself. "Three!"

He took a firm hold of the unit chief's boxer shorts, and with a sharp yank, he gave the superior a very atomic wedgie.

Hotch yelled out loud, cursing and reaching behind him to get a hold of whoever was splitting his ball sack in two – but there was no one there! JJ was on the other side of the slide screen and all the others were seated around the table.

"What the hell is this!?" Hotch growled as he pushed his underwear back into his pants, wincing at the pain in his balls. "Who did that?!"

"You too?!" Morgan shouted, rising. "There has been strange shit going on here all morning!"

After a few moments, the entire BAU, except for Reid, was involved in a very loud cackle, trying to understand what was causing all these strange occurrences.

But Reid just sat back in his chair and relaxed, watching his colleagues bicker. A smile spread on his lips.

I think I will have more fun now that I have my very own ghost to play with, he thought, twiddling his thumbs.

"You'd better believe it, Spencer." Nathan sat down in a chair next to him. "Tomorrow we'll go to Samba, and I'll introduce you to the power of suggestion. You're finally gonna lose you're virginity, kid!"

Reid's smile grew even wider. "Finally!"


End file.
